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Everything is so much wronger than in my last post. My chiropractor, who I knew before I was her patient and who I took many ceramics lessons with across maybe nine years died today, yesterday now. It's just wrong that she's gone. I can't begin to describe the overwhelming feeling I get when I think about it and how it just shouldn't be possible that she is no longer living and breathing and happy. I want it to be some horrible mistake, but it's not.

I'm been crying off and on for the past four...five hours, I have a headache, I should sleep, but I don't want to.

I saw her exactly one week ago on my birthday. I have no regrets nothing left unsaid or anything I wish I hadn't said. Everything was hunky dory. It's just, I don't know to do or what to think. I can't even write coherently about this. I scrolled through my FB feed and I suddenly see what looks like a memorial picture of her. My brain starts to break, I'm in denial, I got to her wall and find out that just 10 hours before in the morning her niece posted that she was in the hospital in critical condition from pancreatitis. I don't think I've ever been more horrified when hearing of the death of someone I knew. I wasn't this upset when my neighbor died and I was the one who found her. But my friend was maybe only 60 and this was so utterly sudden and unexpected.

Oh god, and thinking about her husband and how he's handling things. He's the most smiley happy guy I know. So kind, so sweet. The idea of him crying and losing his wife just hurts to think about.

I'm going to watch old NCIS episodes until I pass out or my head hurts so much I have to sleep.