Though I'd thought about and worried about it since I was 10, there is no way to prepare yourself for losing a parent. My father died around 1 a.m. on October 1st after a week in the hospital. He'd broken a rib in August, then he caught a cold and that progressed into pneumonia and he just couldn't beat it. He wore himself out coughing and then add congestive heart failure and there was no recovering from that.
Fuck, I don't think I can explain more, so much happened, it was so exhausting and painful. And now that he's gone I'm finding it so much easier and yet so much harder than I thought. I can go through my day fine, no crying no being depressed, I can talk to people about it, but come evening or just random things like driving alone can make me think about how he's gone and not coming back and I cry. And I don't know what to do about it other than to just cry when I need to, but it would be nice to how long it's going to be this painful, but grief has no schedule.