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:(

Only now, two days after Thanksgiving, am I really crying about my father's absence. There were moments during the day when I paused and felt sad, but I didn't cry. The crying started today when my aunt mentioned that she didn't get a chance to give my dad his birthday gifts. And it just hurts that he didn't get to enjoy them. And I didn't make cranberry sauce this Thanksgiving because he was the only one who liked it, but I always enjoyed making it for him. And I didn't get to make him a dish of leftovers on Friday like I always did. I'd fix up identical plates for him and myself for lunch the day after with these two cute dishes my aunt has, so I was really eating alone yesterday. And as I dished myself up my medley of leftovers I thought of him and it made me sad.

My brother was good, he brought up dad at the table during the meal, wondering if we remembered an old joke that dad told at Thanksgiving dinner once and he used his phone to find it and told it to us and we laughed, and that was good. But today I keep getting these horrifying cringes about how wrong it is that he doesn't exist in this world anymore except in memories. Memories are precious, and I've heard so many "comforting" things about them, but in reality, memories are crap compared to actually having the person in your life.

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